Heavily Broken - The Veronicas

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Everyday there's nothing new
And now I just try to find some hope
To try and hold onto
But it starts again
It'll never end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then again
It doesn't end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for air
Louder I'm crying
And you don't even care

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken

I love this song...

Love

In my life there's been heartache and pain.
I know I wont be able to take it again.
I think I know what love is, do you?
I've loved, lost,
I've hated and I have forgiven.
I want to feel what love is again,
I want to feel safe.
I don't want to keep thinking love is simply not for me.

A little randomness will do me a little good

My complicated heart is out in the open again...
I have decided to post this.... maybe it'll do me no good, maybe it'll help me get it all out of my chest... eitherway.... i'll give it a try... this are a group of questions i have come to ask myself lately and well... maybe... if I start getting the answears i'll post them aswell.... the numbers have nothing to do to which is more important or which i ask myself the most... so here they come...

1. Will I ever get the strength to live my life?
2. Will I ever be loved?
3. Will I ever stop being hurt by people I love?
4. Will my mom ever be more of a mother and less of a sister or a friend?
5. Will I ever go to live to the states like i want to?
6. Will I ever see Lynda in the eyes, face to face?
7. Will I ever get to meet all of this amazing people the internet has help become part of my life? close friends, ex lovers and more?
8. Will I ever get to teach the coolest 16 yrs old kid how to dance so that he kicks ass at school dances?
9. Will I ever be what i really want to be?
10. Why can't life be simple for once?
11. Is it me?
12. Is it them?
13. Em I really the one with the problem?
14. Em I a bad person? lover? girlfriend?
15. Em I bad?
16. What is wrong with me?
17. Why is it so hard for me to be alone?
18. Why do I settle?
19. Why dont i just change?
20. Do I deserve to be loved?
21. What is the thing that i did that was so wrong to get all the chit i get?

update 04:24 pm, 07/13

an update to everyone, and now i PROMISE i will be bloggin more!
still single, ex is still an ex and will stay that way.
I am enjoying my life alone, and i am taking advantage of it
I've searched for myself and i am liking what i see.
i am pulling back together and i'm getting my head straight, how cool is that!?
I have new friends and i'm treasuring old ones, to my newest friend Dallas, you're the best hunky hunk!

reflections of a talk with the ex

i've been striked by this... idk if i should call it a phrase or a thought or idk what but anyway here it is....

someone told me that they were having a very hard time with ''everything'' so there i was reading this frase thinking.. wow this person must have a LOT of problems to deal with other than me, and i'm nosey so i asked what's everything? now what blew me away was the answear.... she said, and i quote, ''the fact that you can love me as much as you say you do'' (and i hope you, reading this, have the same confused face i had when i read this) the next thing i did was say (to myself) ARE YOU FOR REAL?!, now what i said was, and i think i did pretty good and this way of thinking will work to some of you, or maybe not, anyway, i said this: ''if you were to win the lottery, would you feel bad over it? so bad that you would give the money back?''

ok now, my confession is... all of this was a conversation with me and my ex, my ex who broke up with me a couple of days ago.... to all of you who follow me on twitter, you know what i'm talking about... i tweeted about it.... anywho.... pleas comment about this, about what she said and what i responded, i would love to hear some input

Love,

Mena

From Queers United: "Perú: Action Alert-Protest Discriminatory New Law to Ban Gay Police"

On May 12, 2009, the Peruvian Parliament adopted Law 29356, establishing a new disciplinary code for the Peruvian police. Article 34 of that code classifies offenses as minor, serious and very serious and assigns penalties accordingly. "Having sex with people of the same gender that cause scandal or undermine corporate image" is classified as a very serious offense with a penalty of discharge.
The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) joins Movimiento Homosexual de Lima (MHOL) and requests that you send emails to the Ombudsman and Public Defender of Peru noting that Article 34 of Law 29356 infringes fundamental human rights, and asking her to file an Action of Unconstitutionality with the Constitutional Court to challenge the so-called "offense" of same-sex relations and its associated penalty.

Please send your letter to:

Dra. Beatriz Merino Lucero
Defensora del Pueblo / Ombudsman
Jr. Ucayali N° 388, Lima 1.
E-mail: bmerino@defensoria.gob.pe

Please send a copy of your letter to:

Fernando D'Elio / IGLHRC
fdelio@iglhrc.org

Giovanny Romero Infante / MHOL
gromero@mhol.org.pe

Wierdness

oooh yes... wierdness...
I never really trully understood "You never know what you've had untill you've lost it" untill a couple of days ago....
Wierd....
What's wierd is that I am the lost object of affection and not the one who lost it.... and THAT is a wierd feeling... it's not nice.... it's not good..... it's not bad..... just... wierd...
It hurts me to listen to her hurt, it hurts to listen to her talk with bitter words that I know are only a consecuense of her own acts.... of her realizing i'm no there and I wont be there.... and I think she knows that.... and I think she knows that she screwed up.... maybe not... all I hear now is how I hurt HER... only because i moved on.... and even tho i have moved on a part of me is still there... part of me is right there by her side and she doesnt see it or if she does she's so mad... she's so.... she's so blinded by the last events that she doesnt remember... it's easier to attack.... it's easier to say i never loved her.... i never really cared... i used her....
And all I do is... take the punch... should I do that? shouldnt I? I don't know.... all I know is that she's hurt and I dont want her hurt, all I know is that even tho she doesnt belive me i do still care about her, I do... I don't know if she'll ever read this or not, i dont know if i'll ever tell her all this or not... who knows.... but I do know that I will make sure that one day... one day she'll look into my eyes and understand all this... and maybe then.... maybe then we'll be able to be friends.

update

Hello everyone, Mena here reporting for duties.
i'm sorry for not being here the past weeks...
I went through a very very bad heart ache, almost 2 weeks of no food and no sleep.
I'm back and recovered, still a bit hurt but hey I'M ALIVE!!!

Unfortunetly I got laid off from work 3 days ago so i'm on a very strong job hunt. I havent haven't have much time to write cause of that but I plan to start doing it, not letting my post go that easy...

Ok more mosts to come in some minutes or hours,

Love y'all

Mena

Fighting with myself
trying to keep myself busy
trying not to think
trying not to feel
...not to breath.


....to be continued

Random thoughts about love

I want a love to trust
I want a love that lasts.

I want a love with a melody
one that with me, will make a symphony.

I want a love that trusts
I want a love that wont colapse.


A love that will make me feel safe,
one that wont try to push me away.

One that will know when i need a hug,
one that wont wait for me to ask.

But the question relies on one simple fact....
do I deserve a love like that?